These are the Joey Snackpants 26 Guidelines of Life
(Proven by scientists at M.I.T. and Yoyodine Industries... according to him)

1.) Everyone prostitutes themselves, you just have to figure what your price is.
2.) If you don't have the guts to purchase a condom, you don't have the guts to have sex.
3.) No good deed goes unpunished.
4.) What is said while drunk, has been thought out thoroughly before hand.
5.) Never attempt to use common sense when determining a ruling, be it law or gaming.
6.) Cheese is determined by what side of the table you are sitting on, or what controller you have in your hand.
7.) Never write in an e-mail anything you wouldn't want posted on a wall.
8.) Bad dialog is better read than heard.
9.) In the end, only one person is looking out for number one, you.
10.) People like to hear their name, especially when its hard to pronounce.
11.) To be part of a larger group, you must sacrifice, and to be a leader you must sacrifice first and more.
12.) Its all about accountability and responsibility.
13.) It is what it is.
14.) Democracy died with the Greeks.
15.) You can never expect more from people than what you expect from yourself.
16.) The masses are asses and people are stupid.
17.) If you have more than two people in a room, you have politics.
18.) Politics is just dealing with other people.
19.) There is only one person in charge, everyone else isn't.
20.) When you have crap in, you get crap out.
21.) Those who can do, those who can't, run a contest for those that can.
22.) If you pull the pin on the hand grenade, don't be surprised when it goes off.
23.) If you throw a rock at WasabiGuy, he will drop a MX missile on your front lawn.
24.) If you blow off your friends, don't be surprised if they aren't there when you need them.
25.) Do not be 'that guy'.
26.) Saying "I'm sorry" is very nice, and extremely considerate, but it does not in any circumstance make it immediately 'all right'.